Is grey hair the new blonde for older women?
Being congruent ...
I observe people, it's a hobby of mine. Many of the people I observe are my peers. You know, older women. I do this because, like women of all ages, I am comparing myself with them. I am looking to see if there is any idea, any look I can use myself. I suppose you could call it stealing style.
But there is one style that really doesn't appeal, that thing some of us do to persuade others that we are still young. Oh, I don't mean the very rich who can have face lifts and every artifice known to plastic surgery to stay looking young. No, what I mean is the woman you see, or rather your old man sees, from the back and you can see he's expecting to see a sexy young thing but you intuit that maybe all is not what it seems.
She's slim, has long blonde hair and dresses in the latest fashion, sickeningly with the most divine and expensive-looking boots. You see, you're jealous already. You're waiting for her to turn around and when she does you get a shock as you take in the full effect of the wrinkles under the thick foundation, the heavy-duty eye make-up overlaying the crow's feet and the lipstick bleeding into the lines around the mouth.
You register the disappointment on your husband's face with mild satisfaction and think it serves him right. One thing you don't expect to feel however is your own disappointment.
Letting the side down.
And I have to admit that I do feel disappointed when this happens. As far as I'm concerned here's another woman letting the side down by trying to appear younger than she is, an ostrich woman, head firmly in the sand, desperately trying to hang onto a disappeared time.
She just isn't congruent and I always wonder what she is trying to prove, why she is trying to prove it ... and who she is trying to prove it to.
It's not feminism ...
It's not feminism that makes me feel let down by the women who struggle to keep people guessing about their age, it's more a case of my own bloodymindedness. Why should we feel obliged to do it? We really need to examine our motives here ... honestly ... and I'm guessing we don't really do it so much for other women; we're most likely doing it for men.
Paradoxically, men who let their hair go grey tend to look sensational, think Matt Le Blanc in his new incarnation or George Clooney. Whereas a man with dyed hair looks ... obvious ... and vain. I don't know about you but I find vanity in a man so off-putting. I mean a man may well be vain, but as long as I don't know he is I will continue to like and admire him. Contrary, huh?
Why I don't and won't colour my hair.
I allowed the grey in my hair to take over when I was 52. My hairdresser had been kindly calling it 'Nature's blonde' for some time, bless him. It may have arrived somewhat early but I had been fighting a losing battle with white roots for some time. My hair grows very quickly and I would have a grey parting a couple of days after colouring, so it may appear that it was forced on me. Not so.
I could have done what other women do and bleached it lighter or had pale streaks put in but I just couldn't face going field-mouse colour. It just seemed so predictable, so boring, it was what most women did.
So I opted to go grey and have a tousled, surfer-granny look though admittedly the unkempt look was rather forced on me as my hair is as bloody-minded as I am and I'm damned if I'm going to spend half my life wrestling with the stuff. Even so it hasn't been such a bad trip.
Not everyone understands my stand!
When I was widowed and had been living on my grey-haired own for a year, one of my oldest friends mentioned that she thought it was now time that I started dating again. I was only 55 and she thought I needed a new love interest in my life. She suggested in her true, blunt, Yorkshire woman way that I should start by colouring my hair and getting rid of 'that grey'.
I didn't dare tell her that I had been fighting romantic prospects off with a stick for the last year. I had simply lost a bit of weight and bought some biker boots and that had been enough for men who didn't know my story to make passes at me. One of them was in fact becoming a bit of a nuisance, probably liking my 'I'm not trying' attitude. But really, no, I wasn't trying.
The last word ...
The other day I was having coffee in the garden centre cafe with my present beloved (you know you are getting old when you start frequenting garden centres) and listening to him with one ear (multi-tasking as usual) whilst discreetly watching four mature women friends also having coffee.
Two of the women had short, badly dyed, badly crimped hair that made them look really old though I suspect they were only my age, which I refuse to consider as old. One of them had that expensively mouse-coloured and elaborately teased hair, a testament to her hairdresser's art. She was also expensively dressed but she too looked old and predictable.
The final woman was, I assessed, the oldest of them all, but she didn't seem it. Her hair fell in a well cut, classic, silky, grey bob. Her clothes were stylish, youthful even, but not inappropriately so; a sort of long cardigan coat in a subtle colour worn over jeans and boots.
Admittedly she was not overweight which certainly helps the way clothes hang and, despite the lines on her face, her expression was fun-filled and vitally alive. She had such immense style that it made her instantly eye-catching. And the beauty of it was, she seemed totally unaware of how good she looked.
There is an old truth that most women become invisible to men from middle-age onwards; ordinary, everyday women like me that is, (I don't include Cher or Oprah in this generalisation of course) but this lady proved to me that it was possible to grow old both stylishly and congruently and I felt immensely heartened by her.
Comments
Wow! How kind are you, what_say_you? I'm immensely flattered by your comments and am particularly in tune by your phrase 'I don't want to be sexy ... I want to be loved'. I am with you on that 100% - this sexy granny business is one of the more off-putting sides of our modern lives ... along with the early sexualisation of kids. Why do we have to try to be sexy? I have a life ... a vivid life of my own and I just will not conform! (Mini rant!)There is more to life than sex ... not that my old man would agree ...lol. All the best ... Angie
Right back at ya Angie!!! I really enjoyed your hub!!!
I don't know what you looked like before Angie but you look pretty good with your short grey hairdo. Dare i say almost a female equivalent of Matt Le Blanc/George Clooney!!!
All the best. Michael.
Hmm, Michael ... not toooo sure about the Matt Le Blanc/George Clooney thingy ... but in the spirit of positivity I'm going to take it as a compliment.
Much more importantly ... thanks for stopping by and leaving me a kind comment. x
Ha Ha. Sorry about that Angie. I just meant that it really suits you. Definitely meant as a compliment. Michael.
Aw, thanks, Michael ... you have a lovely foot!
I love your hair!! I have had grey hair for some time, I have to dye it, it isnt coming in as nicely as yours is. There are 2 women at work that have the more gorgeous grey hair. They wear it well and it seems to make them just sparkle. Great blog. I really LOVED the comment about you having to fight off men.....it isnt about the looks, more about the personality and attitude you project. That is sexy.
Hi Clucy ... I think it has a lot to do with being too idle to spend time on doing stuff to myself, really. Lol. Sometimes it looks okay ... but really it is pepper and salt and I envy those women with silver hair. I once tried to have it dyed silver and it went yellow ... didn't suit me at all.
I don't have to fight men off now ... just my husband : )
Many thanks for taking the time to comment.
Interesting hub, whereas I'm happy in my own skin I dread meeting people I haven't seen in perhaps 10 years. Then I realise they are 10 years older too!
PS I love freckles, I'm covered in them!
Hi Gypsy ... hmmm, yes. I think I have a bit of that too despite my bravado. It's okay if I think I have weathered time a bit better than them or if they have had obvious 'fixes' or if they obviously have serious money to spend on their looks. I prefer the 'au naturelle' look so it doesn't bother me.
If they still look good without doing anything (damn them) I start to lose confidence a little ... :)
So glad you are happy with your freckles ... I think I will never learn to love mine. But, more importantly, thank you for taking time to comment on my hub. Bless you!
Oh, what a beautiful hub and what a lovely attitude you display Angie!! You look very graceful and pretty.
I think I should call it a strange coincidence..I'm 52 and have decided to do away with hair color. I believe in aging gracefully and in style, so I totally agree with you.
Added to the nice message from this hub, I also loved the beautiful comment from what_say_you. Thanks so much for the inspiration.
It feels good to think that there are like-minded people all over the world despite several differences.
Cheers
Rema
Voted up and awesome!
It is an excellent hub and a great tribute to the ladies who believe in aging gracefully. Sometimes I wonder why women hide their age which is disgusting in my opinion. I just can't make you feel that how much I liked your thought along with your style of writing. Simply loved it and sharing it socially.
@remaniki - well, thank you so much for your kindness! It is so reassuring when I discover other women who think as I do about ageing. Sure there are many women of my age that look way better than I do - especially after digging the garden :-) - but I think it's stupid to try and compete. So, I'll just try to be me ... but nicer.
@shampa - hi and thank you so much for the votes and social share. Maybe it will start the ball rolling and lots more women will feel less pressured to try to keep themselves looking younger than they are. We can only hope that those who do feel pressured start to feel happy in their own skins, eh shampa?
Thanks to both of you for dropping in on this hub to add such thoughtful and kind comments.
Very nice Hub! And you and your hair look lovely.
I love my grey hair too.
I look at some of the older stars and they may look wrinkle free but I think young is something you really can't get back, when you compare a 20 year old and and a fifty year old, no matter, how fit, wrinkle free one is the 20 year old has something you just can't buy, so why do we keep trying?
I would rather age gracefully and strive to be fit, healthy and look elegant like Lady number 4 you mentioned in your Hub!
Hi silvie, many thanks for the comment ... and the compliment.
Glad to hear you too have grey hair and are enjoying it. Looks may be ephemeral but let's hope health isn't.
This is a very thoughtful & smart hub. Women age gracefully like fine wine and get better with age. See Meryl Streep-she indeed aged gracefully! My mother,49, & my grandma, 70, both aged gracefully & still looked good for their age! You looked very pretty and stylish with cute short hair. I respect your refreshing attitude and viewpoints in this engaging hub.
Thanks for SHARING. Awesome & Interesting. Voted up and socially shared.
Well, bless you, ishwaryaa22.
It is very kind of you to comment ... and the compliments are very well received! Ageing gracefully is a really difficult process ... perhaps the answer is not to try too hard.
Maybe acceptance of the natural process is the wisest thing.
Hi Angie,
I'm with you 100% on this one! I had one grandmother whose hair turned totally white at age 35 and I thought that she looked beautiful all the years that I knew her. I have grey hair and except for a few highlights put into my hair many years ago, I have never colored my hair and do not intend to do so. My hair also grows fast so it would be a losing battle. I think that grey or even white hair is nature's way of softening the looks of people when they age. I guess that is why so many older people who DO color their hair tend to go with lighter colors. Why not let nature do it for free? We should learn to embrace all stages of our life and enjoy each to the fullest. Voting this up, useful and beautiful.
Some people look good with gray and salt and pepper hair. I am beyond the years when a relationship means anything to me, however still enjoy looking at beautiful women. Beauty I find has more to do with attitude than physical looks. A natural smiling face often shows more beauty than all the cosmetics and hair dyes combined. The attitude of "I will be who I am" means more than all the younger style clothing. If more women would learn this the cosmetic companies would lose a lot of business.
Voted up, and awesome.
@Peggy W - thanks for commenting on this hub, Peggy. I quite agree with everything you say. I used to colour my hair a lot when I was young and vain ... now I am old and vain I decided to give it a miss. I don't have to pay for hair colour and it saves time. It's a win win situation. :-)
@wheelinallover - again, many thanks for taking the time to leave a thoughtful comment. You make some very perceptive points. And wouldn't it by nice to put a spoke in the works of cosmetic companies ... because we're worth it!
Thanks to both of you for the votes etc.
Angie I don't want to put them completely out of business. I use hair dye, have had to every time I donate to locks of love. I have had gray in my hair since age 17. It appears to be genetic because my mother, grandmother, and aunts all started going gray in their teens.
Grandmother used a special tea she concocted as a natural dye until her fifties, then let the gray take over. Until her forties she sold a foot off her hair every year. At the time she sold her hair it was generally three feet long. Through all the years I never saw my mother or grandmother wear make up. I won't say they didn't just that I never saw them with it on. They were both beautiful women. I am not the only one who said it. My mother was still attractive to men and dating in her early seventies.
Hey Angie, I totally enjoyed your rendition of aging gracefully and openly going gray. I totally agree that gray is the new blonde. I used to be a frosted blonde since age 16 until this past year when i decided that $150 high lights and low lights intermixed with my gray was no longer the way I wanted to live. I went el natural too this year at age 53. I absolutely love it and feel totally great about it. Thanks for the great story and written so well. And by the way... You look FABULOUS.
@wheelinallover - your mother and grandmother sound like my kind o' gals. I always used to dye my hair but was often worried about the possible link between the darker dyes and bladder cancer. I guess I now believe that if my old man can't love me for who I am (grey hair et al) then he just isn't worthy of me. That sounds conceited but I don't mean it that way. I just believe we are worthy of being loved without the superficials being of over-riding importance.
@Golfgal - as far as I'm concerned going au naturelle hair wise just makes good financial sense too ... as well as freeing me up to do all the other things I want to find time to do. I may be a bit of a maverick as I really hate having to go and have my hair done anyway ... chitchat bores me ... and they keep you so long! I just get my husband to run a clipper over my head whenever it gets too unruly. There isn't a lot I can do about my hair anyway ... it has a mind of its own.
Many thanks to both of you for taking the time to comment so kindly on my hub. All the best ...
what_say_you 15 months ago
Angie..you are beautiful just the way you are. I got my first grey hair when I was 20. I have been dying my hair ever since...every color. I am 38 now but I don't see myself doing this when I get to my 50's..I want to be grey at the right time. My granny was grey and when I have grandchildren I want to be grey. I don't want to be sexy...I want to be loved. I want to have my health and I want to be happy and quite frankly I can't see myself obsessing over my hair!!! You are my idol!!!